13
So anyway, I mustn’t lose my
drift,*
I €ink I’ll need to travel
forward* in time.
(It’s not Łe last occasion Łat I’ll $ift
Łe temporal framework to produce a rhyme.
I’d raŁer put up wiŁ some tensual
rift*
Łan sound like
Sondheim* doing
pantomime.*)
Okay,* so now it’s two €ousand and eight,
(‘It is’ just makes it nicer to narrate);
14
Our character’s Tiberius Mercator:
(I didn’t make him up, I nicked* him from
A book called The Invisible Spectator
Or else: The Counterfeit of Birmingham.
Łe novelist tries to impersonate a
Distinguished writer,* but can only plumb
Łe dep€s of badder-than-bad narrative:
Much badder still than that comparative.
15
But bad is good Łese days, and wicked’s ace.
Kickass* is great, magnificent is dope,*
And hectic’s doper;* dark is glorious
And phat is fit, dead nasty’s what we hope
A biatch is; chilled out’s a state of grace;
And even Łe dog’s bollocks is a trope
For some€ing unexceptionably* fine:
It’s all about Łe flip-side of Łe coin.*
16
Which is quite apt, considering Łe fact
Łat $ady coins are what I’m on about:
Specifically, Łe way Łey counteract
Our ideology to cast in doubt
Łe single-minded* way we all transact
Our lives by stamping one-eyed logic out.*
Łat sounds far-fetched and dull as any€in,
But look at all Łe places coins have bin,*
17*
Łe heady tales of fortune Łey could spin.*
If all Łe queens on one-pound coins could speak
Łey’d have an inkling* of Łe state we’re in.*
Łey’ve got a vantage point from which to peek
At certain fantasies Łat underpin
Łis blinkered monarchy, to see how weak
It is, despite its pompous institutions.
Perhaps Łey could suggest a few solutions…
18*
Some people €ink a sexual scandal could
Destroy Łe country’s royal lineage,
But scandal doesn’t do us any good.
Łe rumour-mill’s* a kind of patronage,
Promoting rich celebrities who $ould
Be stripped of power, property and privilege.
You don’t bring down Łe crown by dropping hints
About a butler fingering a prince.*
19*
Who cares for christsake? Let Łem have Łeir plea$ure.
If Charlie Windsor gets Łe plumber in
To fix a leaky tap, and maybe mea$ure
His standpipe,* and move on to tinkering*
Around Łe riser* to relieve Łe pre$ure
Within Łe royal hose, is Łat a sin?*
Łe crime we $ould indict Łese people for
Is claiming sovereignty above Łe law.
20
I reckon Łey $ould be a docu-soap:*
We let Łem keep Łe palace, but we rig
Łe joint* wiŁ mikes and cameras in Łe hope
Łey’ll entertain us; we could earwig*
And put Łeir lives under Łe microscope
As often as we want — like Royal Big
BroŁer:* Łat’d kick up a furore.
But anyway, I’ll get back to my story.)