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stanzas diary synopsis and guide

only part 1(a) is currently availableonly part 1(a) is currently availableonly part 1(a) is currently availableonly part 1(a) is currently availableonly part 1(a) is currently available

The poem (¿by Amrit Singh?), stanzas 0-5

Next up on BTV* — a counterfeiter
    Takes on Łe champion of drag-queen darts:*
Jeff Sloggy pits his wits against Łe glitter
    Of Tanya Spears in a bar-room farce
Narrated by a one-pound coin.* (It’s shitter
    Łan Byron’s,*
but it’s got its so-so parts.)*
Łis programme, from the outset, uses slang* which
Some viewers might adjudge to be strong language.

(This poem’s going out to Andrew Motion,
    Who couldn’t tackle ‘Johnny Wilkinson’.
Perhaps I haven’t any right to question
    What England’s rhyming Rumplestiltskin’s done,
But, Andy, couldn’t you best serve the nation
    By sticking poems of that ilk in some
Recycling bin for use as royal bogroll?
Then you could really lick arse with your doggerel.)

Łe Birmingham Quean*

I want a heroine, a common one:*
    Not quite as trailer-tra$ as Bonnie Tyler,*
And no€ing crass, like a Mancunian,*
    But not a princess eiŁer. I’ll compile a
Quick list, I €ink, like Byron in Don Juan.*
    (Łat’s ‘¥wan’* not ‘Ju-an’, which is even viler,
And might permit a foreign audience
To €ink all Engli$men are stupid cunts.*

We are, of course. Ask anyone from Spain*
    Who’s seen Łe lager-lads* descend on El
football fans* fucked out their brain*
    All pulling moonies* in Łe Don’s Hotel
And puking calimari* down Łe drain:
    AnoŁer Helicon becomes anoŁer Hell.*
I sound all $ocked-and-stunned but Łen I’m pissed*
Myself… I €ink I’ll get back to Łat list.)

Dame Edna, Lily Savage, Danny LaRue,*
    The Lady Chablis, Rupaul and Divine:
Łey had Łe fifteen minutes Łey were due.
    And if Łat’s your €ing… well, it isn’t mine.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m into drag, Łat’s true,
    But Łese celebrities can wait in line
WiŁ all Łe Beaux-Belles of Les Travestis,
Łe Monsieur-Mariannes* of Gay Paris,

And all Łose queens who stretched Łe frontier
    Of queer* politics, like Charlotte Von
Mahlsdorf and Marsha Johnson, Sylvia
    Rivera, Charlotte Bach and Ray Bourbonne,
Whose feats relived Łe aristeia*
    Of Charles Chevalier d’Eon de Beaumont.*
My work can do wiŁout a famous name;
Not even some old hasbeen panto-dame:*

Łe Great Suprendo as Łe Widow Twanky,
    Or Hinge and Brackett, Joe Grimaldi, Dick
‘I like you’ Emery, or Jimmy Krankie
    (I’m not Łat fussy which way round — a chick
In drag’s as capable of hanky panky
    As any two-bit* Mrs Shufflewick.*)
But stars don’t get a look-in* in Łis ditty.*
My unsung diva’s from an unsung city.*

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